Making Family Time Work with Autism

 Q

I have four children. My eldest is 12 and autistic. He focuses on a narrow set of interests, loves video games, and avoids participating in family activities. Doing things as a family is important to me. Do you have recommendations for how our family can meet my son where he is while still spending time together?”

A

Thank you for this thoughtful question during National Autism Acceptance Month. The goal of this observance is to raise awareness and foster understanding and inclusion for people on the autism spectrum.

For readers who may be less familiar with autism spectrum disorder, the condition exists along a wide spectrum that ranges from mild to more severe symptoms. Autism is characterized by challenges with social skills, speech, nonverbal communication, and repetitive behaviors. Each person on the spectrum has a unique combination of strengths and challenges.

Because you did not describe your son’s specific strengths or difficulties, I will offer general strategies that often help families include children on the spectrum in shared activities. Sometimes this means helping the child participate in family plans, and sometimes it means adjusting family activities so the child can enjoy them.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about one in 31 children and one in 45 adults are on the autism spectrum. This suggests that some individuals with milder traits may remain undiagnosed.

Children on the autism spectrum may show behaviors such as:

1. Meltdowns, when a child loses control because of overwhelming sensory or emotional experiences, which may include screaming, crying, kicking, or biting.
2. Self-stimulating behaviors, such as repetitive movements or sounds.
3. Social challenges, including limited eye contact.
4. Highly focused or obsessive interests.
5. Difficulty understanding personal space.

In more severe cases, children may show aggression toward caregivers, others, or themselves.

Here are several strategies that may help your family:

1. Create a quiet retreat. Help your child identify a calm place where he can go whenever he feels overstimulated.
2. Use distraction before a meltdown builds. Offering a calming activity, such as listening to music or using a favorite toy, can sometimes redirect stress.
3. Maintain clear routines. Predictable schedules, limits, and rules help many children on the spectrum feel secure.
4. Practice naming emotions. Visual tools, such as emotion charts, can help children learn to recognize and communicate feelings.
5. Prepare a sensory toolkit. A backpack with items such as noise-canceling headphones, fidget toys, or comfort objects can help when your family is out.

You can also plan family outings that are more autism-friendly. Consider visiting a children’s museum during sensory-friendly hours, exploring inclusive parks designed for children with special needs, or attending businesses that offer quieter, sensory-aware events.

Betty Richardson, PhD, RN, CS, LPC, LMFT, is an Austin-based psychotherapist.