Today’s parents tend to be more involved in all aspects of child-rearing than previous generations, including their children’s education. While involvement can be positive, education is one of the most important building blocks of a successful future. Taken too far, however, parental involvement can hinder a child’s development. So, how does a caring parent know just how involved to be?
Effects of Involvement and Overinvolvement
One of the best things you can do as a parent is communicate to your child that education is important. Children whose parents ask about school, celebrate effort, and show up for important events are more likely to develop positive attitudes toward school and learning. Research consistently shows that when parents are involved, children are more likely to have better attendance, behavior, and academic achievement at school.
When parents step in too often to help with assignments, however, children miss out on learning how to fix their own mistakes and may internalize the idea that they are incapable of doing so. This can lead to lower self-confidence, as well as higher levels of stress and pressure to “get things right.”
Technology’s Effect on Involvement
Technology has drastically changed the relationship between families and schools. Gone are the days when a child could easily hide a bad grade from their parents. Now, many parents receive daily or weekly emails about grades, get alerts when a grade or average drops below a certain level, or can access their child’s online gradebook to view grades in real time.
While these tools can provide valuable information when a child is struggling, they can also create pressure for parents to monitor every assignment and expect higher levels of output and achievement from their children.
Healthy and Effective Involvement
Healthy and effective involvement does not mean constant supervision. Rather, parents should provide an appropriate amount of support for their child’s age and developmental stage, with the goal of encouraging independence as the child grows.
Here is what that type of involvement can look like during the various stages of a child’s education.
Elementary School
The elementary school years are when it is most appropriate for parents to be actively involved. Especially in the younger grades, children are still learning routines, responsibility, and organization, along with academics.
An appropriately involved parent can help by providing reminders about assignments, assisting with organizing backpacks, and encouraging children to get their work done. As your child moves into the upper elementary grades, shift to asking what they need to do so they begin to take ownership of their assignments and tasks.
During this stage, regular communication between parents and teachers is especially important. Your child’s teacher can provide insights that help you better support your child outside the classroom.
Children also benefit from seeing their parents involved at school, whether that means volunteering in the classroom, helping with schoolwide projects, or attending meetings. By being involved, you communicate to your child that education matters and that school is an important part of your family’s life.
Middle School
As children enter middle school, parental involvement should begin to shift. Children at this age are developing greater independence while also facing more demanding schoolwork, an increase in extracurricular activities, and the social pressures that come with growing up.
Rather than checking every assignment, encourage your child to keep track of assignments independently by using a digital planner or calendar. Teach them to develop good study habits and ask for help when needed.
It is still appropriate, and important, to ask your child about schoolwork, but it is time to shift to a bigger-picture perspective. Ask what they are learning in class, how long-term projects are going, and how school feels overall, rather than asking about each individual assignment. It is a good idea to review grades periodically, but this should not become a daily activity.
This gradual shift to a more hands-off role can be difficult for parents, but it is an important part of teaching children responsibility and independence. While it may be scary to watch our children fail, middle school is an ideal time to experience failure and learn from natural consequences before the implications of high school failure become more serious.
Communication with teachers remains important if you have concerns, but regular conversations are generally unnecessary by this stage. It is also a good time to encourage your child to take ownership of communicating with teachers.
High School
By high school, parents should shift from acting as supervisors to becoming more like mentors. Teenagers are preparing for adulthood, and they need opportunities to develop independence and decision-making skills.
It can be difficult, but allowing high school students to solve their own problems, meet their own deadlines, and experience natural consequences helps them develop valuable life skills they will need in the real world just a few short years from now. This does not mean communicating to our “big kids” that they are on their own. Parents should continue discussing academic goals, occasionally checking in about grades, and letting their teens know they are available to help with future plans.
At this point, high school students should be the ones to communicate directly with their teachers if there is an issue, although they may still need help learning how to navigate those conversations appropriately.
By maintaining an appropriate level of involvement for your child’s age and developmental stage, you can strike a healthy balance between demonstrating care and support and allowing your child to develop the independence and responsibility they will need for a bright future.
Alison Bogle is a writer living in Austin with her husband and three children. A former fourth grade teacher, she now enjoys writing about children and education. You can also catch her talking about articles from Austin Family magazine each Thursday morning on FOX 7 Austin.
