7 Ways to Help Your Kids Express and Identify Emotions

Q
I overheard our daughter Lisa, age 12, and her friend Patty talking about how they hate two boys in their class. Hate is such a strong emotion. Why would they hate these boys? Lisa also claims to be in love with a boy in her class.

A

I have suggestions to help the girls identify and learn about their emotions.

1. Set up a time and place for a serious discussion.
2. Ask Lisa and Patty how they feel around the hated boys. Ask them what they dislike about these boys. Perhaps the boys are too loud, tease, or bully the girls. It’s better to identify the disliked behavior than label their feelings as hate. At some point, your daughter may be able to tell the boys what she dislikes.
3. Share with the girls that liking, loving, and disliking are on a continuum. We all have special people, pets, and places we like, love, or dislike. The amount or depth of that like, love, or dislike can change up or down from time to time.
4. Ask the girls and others in your family to identify their feelings and describe their emotions at meals and other times of the day.
5. Buy a locking diary for your daughter. Encourage her to write in the diary each day. Encourage her to talk about who she likes, loves, and why.
6. Borrow library books about emotions to read and discuss with the girls. Examples: I Am Stronger Than Anger by Elizabeth Cole (especially for younger children) or All About Feelings by Felicity Brooks. Kindness is My Superpower by Alicia Ortego.
7. A new toy called: “Hand2Mind Feelings Mirror” helps children learn to express desired emotions. The child sees a photo of a child with a particular emotion and tries to match it in a mirror.

Most little girls like to pretend they are real princesses. You could share that Princess Charlotte of England must treat all other children equally. Similarly, there should never be outward signs of hating or liking others. Ask the girls to think and talk about how they can treat people equally. For example, include every child in their class when giving Valentine’s Day cards or treats. Outwardly, the girls can try to show the same behaviors to others while having different feelings internally to work through. Managing feelings helps make our lives easier and better. You are a good parent for wanting to help your child and her friend learn to identify and express their emotions.

Betty Richardson, PhD, RN, CS, LPC, LMFT, is an Austin-based psychotherapist.