I am a mom of three children – boy/girl twin tweens and a 17-year-old-daughter. I struggled with infertility when my husband and I first started trying for children, which left me with even longer to dream about what parenting our firstborn would be like. I pictured holding and feeding our daughter, teaching her that someone was there to care for her and respond to her needs. I envisioned reading to her and teaching her to tie her shoes through patient instruction. She would try different foods, and we would take family trips to teach her about people and places. As she grew, I would teach her about friendships, love, how to drive, and how to navigate launching into the world as an adult.
Never, though, did I imagine just how much my daughter — and all of my children — would teach me. Little did I know that they would turn me inside out, reshape my heart and mind, and permanently alter who I was as a person. I would be put back together as something entirely different – wiser, stronger, more patient and empathetic, less selfish, infinitely more tired, but, my goodness, so much better for the whole experience of loving them and being the one they call mom, mama love, mommy, or mooooooooooooom, depending upon the mood, or the ask.
The number of things that our children can teach us is seemingly endless and includes:
Patience and self-regulation – Whew! There is nothing more trying than some of the situations we find ourselves in as parents! We are forced, however, to remember that the connection with our child is more important than bulldozing our way to what we want. We step away, take deep breaths, or use other methods to center ourselves and continue dealing with the situation.
Time management and organization Ever try to get out the door for school drop off and/or work all while juggling hair brushing, breakfast making, lost shoe finding, and dog feeding? Don’t get me started on mixing in sporty kids and their early practice drop-offs! If so, then you know how our time management and organizational muscles are forced to grow when we become parents.
Sociability – Especially when our children are younger, we are the masters of their social calendars. If we want our babies to learn sociability, we have to make an effort to greet the other moms at library storytime or the checkout workers at the store. To facilitate our children’s social skill development, we host and attend playdates and reach out to other families to form connections. Our kids force us to step outside of our comfort zones so that we model being socially engaged with the world around us.
Creativity and flexibility – Make a rigid plan and your child will quickly unmake it for you with a meltdown, bathroom stop, sprained ankle, or something else you didn’t anticipate. As a parent, you have to adjust on the fly — coming up with fun activities when rain cancels your beach day or turning your restaurant napkin into a canvas for tic-tac-toe.
Negotiation – There is no better negotiator than a tween or teen! Intentional parents become savvy at deciding when to remain firm and where there is room for compromise. The end goal is a child who can make his own decisions and knows how to respectfully advocate for himself, so it is worth it to listen and consider our child’s point of view.
Self-reflection – One of the most important things we can do as parents is to notice our reactions to what our children say and do. If our reactions are stronger than warranted, there is likely some underlying baggage that we’re bringing to the moment. Parenting requires us to identify what is going on and work through it to ensure that our baggage doesn’t become our child’s future baggage.
Selflessness – There is not a person among us who gets excited about sleeping with a post-nightmare foot in the ribs, cleaning up endless rounds of vomit, or staying up late to make sure that our teen gets home safely, but we do these things and more without question for these young people that we love. As a parent, you learn to give, and give, and then give some more.
Humility – There is nothing like parenting to knock you down a peg or two. You will feel like you fail over and over, even as you try your hardest to get it “right.” In truth, the only way to fail is to not keep trying to do your best for your child. Our kids also learn when we model making mistakes, acknowledge them, and move forward to try again.
New interests – My children have helped me discover new music that I like, I’ve learned how volleyball is scored, and what constitutes anime. If the local trivia night ever featured questions about French bulldogs or tortoises, I would clean up! Our children teach us so much about the world when we tune in to what interests them.
Parenting turned out to be so much more than I could have possibly imagined. My daydreams of teaching my children life lessons were only part of the story and not even the best part. What has turned out to be the real gift has been to grow and learn along with them, to let them shape me into someone who can be an even better mother to them than the person I was before. My children have turned out to be my greatest teachers, and I am so grateful for their lessons.
Alison Bogle is a writer living in Austin with her husband and three children. A former fourth grade teacher, she now enjoys writing about children and education. You can also catch her talking about articles from Austin Family magazine each Thursday morning on FOX Good Day Austin.
