Q
My wife and I have children 3 and 7 years old. They are accustomed to getting lots of gifts for birthdays, Christmas, and when we return from a vacation. They have yet to think about and to give gifts to others. We would like our children to begin to focus not only on the gifts they want to receive but to start learning about how to be generous. Do you have any information or suggestions for how we can begin to teach generosity to our children?
A
Research has found that it is not until around 4 years of age that children begin to understand the purpose behind showing generosity to others or the purpose of giving a gift. There is a significant maturity in young minds between the age 3 and 4 years old.
Research has also found that it is easier for a child to buy consumables (things to eat) for others than it is to buy a toy.
Here are some suggestions to foster generosity and gift giving to others:
1. Take the child to purchase a gift. Dad can take the kids to buy a gift for mom, and mom can take the kids to buy a gift for dad. A conversation about what mom and dad would like or enjoy helps the kids focus on a thoughtful gift for someone other than themselves.
2. Guide your children through the process of choosing a gift. Talk through your ideas so your children hear what you think about when buying a gift for a friend or family member. Ask questions such as: What does the person like to do? What gift would be fun for a friend? How will the present make the friend feel?
3. Explain to the kids how a gift for someone else is different from a gift they would choose for themselves.
4. Make gift giving simple, inexpensive, and fun. The kids can make cards and give them to family, friends, and teachers. Encourage homemade gifts. As children mature, have them participate in earning money to purchase gifts by doing chores. Work with kids to figure out a budget.
Encourage kids to team up with a sibling to buy a gift.
5. Praise generous acts by kids such as sharing a toy or helping others.
6. Model generosity.
7. Read books about generosity. For example: The Gift That I Can Give by Kathie Lee Gifford and The Generosity Habit by Matthew Kelly.
The holidays are a great time to begin teaching generosity to your 7-year-old. Be sure to include your 3-year-old in the gift giving process. She may not fully understand the idea of generosity, but she will begin experiencing the joy of doing things as a family.
Be intentional with the values you choose. Generosity can be a family value not only during the holiday season but throughout the year.
Betty Richardson, PhD, RN, CS, LPC, LMFT, is an Austin-based psychotherapist.
