8 Tips to Navigate the Mom-Ache of Kids Growing Up

Q

I  have three children, and my youngest just turned 5. His birthday was really difficult for me. Is it normal to feel sadness and grief over my children growing up?

A

It is normal for mothers to feel sadness as their children grow. Kids become less cuddly, more independent, and sometimes less reliant on their parents. This shift can trigger grief over a stage ending, a sense of loss as your child changes, or uncertainty about the future. Early childhood is full of rapid changes, and these emotions are common.

There are several ways to cope with the bittersweet experience of children growing up:

1. Document the moments. Keep journal entries and picture scrapbooks of milestones. Sharing these memories with your children as they grow can be a meaningful way to connect.
2. Write a letter to your child. Capture who they are now and what you love about this stage in their lives.
3. Write a letter to your future self. On a challenging day, when you feel exhausted or stretched thin, note your thoughts and feelings to reflect on later.
4. Enjoy the present. Focus on your children’s current age and developmental stage. Each phase has unique joys worth savoring.
5. Rediscover yourself. Reconnect with hobbies, career goals, or personal interests that may have taken a backseat during early parenthood.
6. Lean on supportive peers. Stay connected with friends and family who understand the ups and downs of parenting.
7. Practice mindfulness and resiliency. Mindfulness is fully engaging in the present moment. Resiliency is recognizing your strength and ability to adapt. Both can help you navigate transitions with greater peace.
8. Seek professional guidance if needed. If your sadness persists or interferes with daily life, speak with your doctor to rule out medical causes and receive support.

Growing up is a beautiful, complex journey for both children and parents. Feeling grief alongside joy is part of the experience. By acknowledging your emotions, celebrating milestones, and nurturing yourself, you can embrace the bittersweet moments of parenthood with grace.

Betty Richardson, PhD, RN, CS, LPC, LMFT, is an Austin-based psychotherapist.