Creating Meaningful Family Memories

Q

My husband and I work long hours. We don’t spend much time with our kids. We have a twelve-year-old son and a daughter who is eight. The kids complain that we don’t attend school activities as often as other parents. To make matters worse, my sister tells me that we are not taking the time to create family memories. What are family memories? Can they be created or do they just happen? Can you give me some examples? Is it possible to work a lot and still find time to make family memories?

A

Great questions; you are not alone. Many families struggle to find work and home-life balance and then feel added pressure when it comes to creating lasting family memories.

1. Why are family memories important? Good family memories promote positive emotional health and provide strength in difficult times. Revisiting family memories provides a shared sense of belonging while strengthening relationships between family members.
2. Family memories are created by activities shared over time. These memories become part of the oral history/ tradition of the family that gets told and retold over the years.
3. Keep activities simple and doable so they can be replicated. Examples of activities you can do now that can generate family memories: adding a special note to a lunch sack, volunteering, weekend adventures visiting different playgrounds around town, reading a favorite book, nature walks, scrapbooking, holiday baking, organizing an annual family activity, or even going to a place to eat regularly.
4. Creating family memories can be done on a budget. One busy single mother without money or time, popped a lot of popcorn and held a popcorn fight. My grown daughter and I reminisce about volunteering to teach crafts to the elderly in nursing homes. The key to nurturing family memories is that the activities must be special to your family.
5. Be intentional. Put a calendar on the refrigerator. Add family activities. Listen to your kids and if attending something is important to them, do what you can to make it happen. If attending a school activity is important to your kids, do your best to attend. (In response to your original question, here is a cautionary note: never having a parent attend a school event could be traumatic, requiring therapy in adult life.)
6. Similar to looking at family photos, sharing family memories helps us feel connected to our family and how we are connected to the world.

As you are making family memories, I hope you will share them on the Austin Family Facebook or Instagram pages with the hashtag #AustinFamilyMemories.

Betty Richardson, PhD, RN, CS, LPC, LMFT, is an Austin-based psychotherapist.