Easing Into Changing Schools

Q

Our son Dennis, who is 11 years old loves his elementary school. He doesn’t want to switch to middle school this fall. I think he’s worried about losing his friends and having to make new ones in an unfamiliar setting.  He is having trouble sleeping and his appetite is less, probably due to his anxiety about changing schools.

A

Thank you for asking that question, as it is relevant to many of our readers. A lot of children will be transitioning to a new school this fall. Transitions come for many reasons such as moving or children aging out of a school. I do have several suggestions for you to make this transition less traumatic.

1. Encourage your son to talk about his fears. Spend time listening to him. Role-play how he can respond to situations like bullying, having trouble fitting in and how to make new friends.
2. Make play dates with grade school friends to lessen the fear of losing old friends. In addition, find a child going to the new school and arrange for your son to have a playdate with that child.
3. Remind your child that just as he is having anxiety about the transition, there will be others at the new school who are experiencing the same emotions. Talk to him about befriending others.
4. Make contact as early as possible, with the new school, to find out what your child needs for school. Is there a school uniform or supplies to purchase? Get started on that early to minimize your child’s stress about starting at a new school.
5. Are there volunteer opportunities for you and your husband at the school? Seeing you involved in the school will help your child feel more comfortable there. You will also meet other parents and children to socialize with and learn from.
6. Set daily goals with your child. For example: introduce yourself to two other children today or identify some extracurricular activities to join and then rank them.
7. At the end of the school day, encourage your child to talk about his day. Transitions can be difficult even for adults changing jobs, colleges or careers. With planning and effort, transitions will be less traumatic and more successful.

Betty Richardson, PhD, RN, CS, LPC, LMFT, is an Austin-based psychotherapist.