Q
Our 7-year-old daughter, Stacy, doesn’t have any friends to play with—either at home or at school. At home, she plays alone with her dolls or on the computer. At school, she sits by herself during lunch and recess. What can her father and I do to help Stacy make a friend?
A
You’ve asked an important question—one that many parents face. Fortunately, there are several practical steps you can take to help your daughter form connections and develop friendships.
- Be kind and encouraging.
Create a warm, supportive environment at home that fosters confidence and self-expression. Research shows that authoritarian parenting can hinder a child’s ability to develop healthy peer relationships. Encourage Stacy to speak up and interact with others in a positive way.
- Teach social skills.
Show Stacy how to introduce herself and listen actively. You can role-play conversations and practice taking turns, making eye contact, and asking questions. These simple social tools can go a long way in building friendships.
- Talk about emotions.
Discuss how Stacy can cope with her own feelings and recognize emotions in others. Understanding both her moods and those of her peers will help her respond with empathy—an essential skill for building meaningful relationships.
- Arrange playdates.
Invite another child of a similar age over for a short visit. Start with a low-pressure activity like baking cookies or doing a craft. If Stacy has treasured items she doesn’t want to share, it’s okay to put them away beforehand. If you don’t know other parents with children, consider enrolling Stacy in group activities such as dance, karate, or Sunday school, where she can meet peers.
- Collaborate with teachers.
Speak with Stacy’s teacher to explore ways they can support her socially. For example, a teacher might pair her with a classmate on a project or encourage group work that promotes cooperation and interaction.
- Explore the Buddy Bench idea.
Many schools have installed Buddy Benches—designated spots where students can sit if they’re looking for someone to talk to or play with. Talk to Stacy about how these benches work, and help her prepare a proposal for her school principal if this is something the school doesn’t yet offer.
Finally, don’t underestimate the power of modeling. Let Stacy see you enjoying your own friendships. Host friends for dinner or outings, and if they have children, invite them along—it’s a great way to give Stacy more opportunities to connect. Helping your child make friends takes time and patience, but with your support and encouragement, Stacy can develop the skills and confidence she needs to build lasting relationships.
Betty Richardson, PhD, RN, CS, LPC, LMFT, is an Austin-based psychotherapist.
