Gone are the days when a children’s party meant inviting everyone on the street, playing in the backyard sprinkler, and cutting into a homemade cake to the tune of “Happy Birthday.”
These days, parties often have carefully selected themes, impressive decorations, Instagram-worthy food spreads, and curated goody bags. Factor in deciding who to invite, everyone’s extracurricular schedules, and how to manage social dynamics, and it’s enough to take the joy out of the whole experience.
Luckily, with a little forethought, and this helpful list of questions to consider, you’ll be able to navigate the planning process and decide on a party plan that will make both your child, and you, happy.
Who to invite?
One of the first, and often most emotionally charged, questions is: Who should you invite? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, and the best choice can change as your child grows.
In early elementary school, inviting the entire class ensures that no one feels left out — especially since the party is likely to be a topic of classroom conversation.
Inviting the whole class, or even the majority of the class, may not always be feasible. Budget, space limitations, and your child’s preferences may make a smaller gathering more comfortable. A popular compromise for younger children is to provide a school-day treat (check your school’s treat guidelines), and then host a smaller, more personal party outside of school. This way, everyone feels included to some degree.
Around third grade, children often begin to separate along gender lines, and your child may want a party that only includes friends of the same gender. This is typical, and if you’re inviting all the students of the same gender, the party is unlikely to cause any upset.
That said, it’s also common by third grade for children to form distinct social groups. Your child may not feel comfortable inviting all of the boys or girls. In this case, it’s especially important to handle invitations privately and outside of school to avoid accidentally excluding anyone in a public setting.
Where to host?
At school: Many schools now offer an option to host parties immediately after the school day ends. For example, some schools host “PE parties” in the gym — an hour of fun games led by the PE teacher. The birthday child’s parents bring cupcakes, and best of all, there’s no cleanup. Fees are generally reasonable and support the school and teachers. Hosting at school can also help simplify the guest list.
At home: Home parties allow for more personalization but usually require more planning — and, unfortunately, more cleanup. Depending on your child’s age, plan multiple activities to keep guests engaged. Always have a bad weather backup plan if hosting outside.
At a venue: Choosing a venue, like a trampoline park or craft studio, can save you time on setup and cleanup. However, this option is usually more expensive due to rental fees and food or drink minimums. You’ll also need to plan ahead to secure your preferred time slot. Keep in mind that your party will likely share space with others.
What to serve?
If your party is during or near mealtime, you should serve a full meal. Scheduling your party outside of mealtimes can help save on costs, but always provide snacks alongside any sweets. Party games and running around use a lot of energy, and the last thing you want is hangry guests.
Given the rise in food allergies and sensitivities, ask parents about dietary restrictions when they RSVP. Be as accommodating as possible. If a child has multiple restrictions, the family will often offer to bring something safe for them. Clear labeling, especially for self-serve snack tables, is helpful.
Are there special needs?
Some children may have sensory sensitivities, social anxiety, or other needs that affect how they experience a party. If your child has a friend who may need extra support, speak with their parents in advance to learn how best to include and accommodate them.
Also consider your own child’s preferences. Would they enjoy structured games, or is free play more their style? Do they like being the center of attention during cake time, or would they prefer something more low-key? Thinking through these factors ahead of time will help make the party a success.
Should parents stay?
Whether parents should stay depends on the children’s age, the party location, and your comfort level. For kids under age 6, it’s generally a good idea to have parents stay and help supervise. Extra adults can assist with activities, cake time, and those inevitable meltdowns or squabbles.
As kids get older, drop-off parties become more common and appropriate.
Children’s parties can be exhausting — no matter how successful they are. However, they’re also a wonderful opportunity to help your child feel seen, known, and cherished, and to model how to create joyful moments with friends.
Happy planning!
Alison Bogle is a writer living in Austin with her husband and three children. A former fourth grade teacher, she now enjoys writing about children and education. You can also catch her talking about articles from Austin Family magazine each Thursday morning on FOX 7 Austin.
