My oldest daughter was exposed to pornography at the tender age of 9. She invited a friend over to play and, unbeknownst to me, the friend brought a phone with her. Thankfully, I went upstairs to check on them early on in the playdate, and I discovered that the friend had been viewing porn and was showing it to my daughter. We had several discussions to help my daughter understand what she had seen and try to undo some of the damage. My husband and I were upset with ourselves for our naivete – we thought we had at least a few more years ahead of us before possible porn exposure became something to put on our radars.
In the digital world, children and teens are so much more vulnerable to pornography exposure than we parents ever were as kids. The rising use of smartphones, social media, and online gaming has made it even easier for kids to stumble upon porn and even become addicted. Studies show that many children are first exposed to porn between ages 8 to 11, however, exposure can occur as early as age 6 or 7, especially in homes where devices are not monitored. By the time children reach their teens, they are especially susceptible to both their curiosity and peer pressure in regards to porn. At these young ages, kids are being exposed to explicit material before they’re even able to understand its implications.
Not only can viewing porn be confusing and unsettling, it begins to distort a child’s perception of how healthy relationships and intimacy should look. As parents and caregivers, it is essential to educate ourselves about how porn is finding our kids, why it is a problem, and how to safeguard our children as much as possible.
Ways Porn is Finding Kids
Search engines. Even innocent searches can lead to explicit content if search engines are not adequately filtered.
Smartphones and tablets. Many kids who have access to smartphones and tablets also have easy access to the internet, where they can come across porn through web searches, social media apps, or file-sharing services.
Social media. Platforms like TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram can expose kids to sexual content either through direct searches or through algorithms that recommend explicit content.
Online gaming. Many popular online games include chat functions, which can be used to send explicit content to other gamers. In addition, online games with open-world elements can also sometimes contain embedded adult content.
Friends. Just like in my daughter’s case, many children are shown pornographic content by their peers who are looking to normalize their own experiences or to offload their feelings of discomfort by bringing friends into the experience.
Streaming platforms. Children who utilize streaming services such as YouTube are at increased risk of coming across explicit content, which is often listed or disguised as something age-appropriate.
Porn Addiction and Distorted Views
Kids are naturally curious about the world around them, and that includes sex. Curiosity about sex is healthy, but when children access pornographic content to satisfy their curiosity, they are exposed to ideas and images about sex that they are not able to understand at such a young age.
A significant problem can arise when they repeatedly return to porn as a way to seek gratification. This form of gratification signals the brain to release dopamine, which gives your child a pleasurable sensation. Over time, as the brain becomes used to dopamine, it can require increasingly explicit material to achieve the same level of pleasure. This is how an addiction is formed.
In addition, most porn does not portray loving sex in the framework of a healthy, committed relationship. With repeated exposure to porn, kids begin to internalize what they see as what sex should look like and how they and others should be expected to perform, introducing unhealthy expectations and potentially dangerous behaviors.
Ways to Safeguard Our Kids
Parental controls. Take advantage of built-in parental controls on devices and internet services to filter out adult content.
Monitoring and tracking. It’s easy to become complacent, but you need to be sure to monitor online activity regularly. Use software to track what websites your child visits. In addition, create a regular habit of looking through digital devices.
Talk, talk, talk! Make digital safety and the potential harm of pornography viewing a regular topic of conversation with your child, and be sure to keep the lines of communication open. Let them know that you are willing to honestly answer questions about sex, relationships, and porn so that they feel safe to come to you when they are curious or if they have seen something explicit.
Teach. Educate your child about the realities of porn, porn addiction, and how viewing porn can skew a person’s concept of a healthy relationship. Teach them what healthy relationships and sex should look like and discuss the importance of consent and respect.
Keep it public. To make monitoring easier and access to porn more difficult, establish a house rule that devices that can access the internet are to be used in a shared space, like the family living room, and that phones are not allowed in bedrooms.
Digital advances have undoubtedly brought about many conveniences, but they have also exposed our kids to risks we never anticipated. By educating ourselves about the dangers of porn exposure, monitoring and safeguarding our children’s online activity, and encouraging open conversations, we can do our best to protect our children and ensure that they grow up with a healthier understanding of relationships and intimacy.
Alison Bogle is a writer living in Austin with her husband and three children. A former fourth grade teacher, she now enjoys writing about children and education. You can also catch her talking about articles from Austin Family magazine each Thursday morning on FOX 7 Austin.
