Resolution: Become Better Parents

Q

My husband asked about my New Year’s resolution. I shared that my resolution for 2025 is to be a better mother to our children ages 4, 7, and 12. He liked my idea and decided to resolve to be a better father. What do you think of our resolutions? Do you have any suggestions for us?

A

Being a better mother or father is a great resolution. Where to begin? Ask yourself, “What do kids need?” They need a sense of safety and belonging. When my children were young and lived at home, I checked on my kids at night. One night, my son, upon seeing my flashlight, asked what I was doing. I answered, “Checking on you to make sure you’re safe.” They need hugs and to know they are loved. They need time with you. My daughter reminded me that her father and I took her and her brother, from birth on, lots of places. She pointed out that when most kids are preteens or teens, they tend to distance themselves from their parents, while she and her brother just kept loading up with us when it was time to go.

Here are some suggestions for you and your husband.

1. Spend individual time with each of your children every day. Learn something new about each child. Do you know their favorite color, best friend, or favorite subject?
2. Teach skills to your children. You and your husband have skills to teach; skills that will benefit your kids, not only now, but as they are growing up and throughout their lives. Begin with easy skills such as setting the table and cooking something easy. Teach your children to save money. Help them open savings accounts. Provide chores for making money. Ask about their dream careers for work when they are adults. As they mature, encourage them to try age-appropriate, challenging skills like checking the oil in a car and changing a tire.
3. Plan a family trip. Take a picnic to the park or plan a bigger trip such as to a museum. Trips provide an opportunity to practice new parenting skills and build family memories.
4. Help your children with reading skills. Take them to your library to choose books. Read to them, and ask them to read to you and your husband.
5. Volunteer for your children’s classroom and school. Volunteer and serve in the community with your children. Take an interest in the things that interest your kids, and find a place to volunteer together. Take time off from work to attend school events. It can be traumatic to be the only child who never has a parent at school activities designed for parent involvement.

Being a better mother or father involves spending time with your kids. Journaling can help you avoid days and weeks passing without making progress on your resolutions. Whether you journal or not, remember to set aside time to focus on your kids each day.

Betty Richardson, PhD, RN, CS, LPC, LMFT, is an Austin-based psychotherapist.