How do you find gifts for someone who is the complete opposite of you in every conceivable way?

As humans, we show love in the way we like to receive it; we speak our own love language, because it’s what we know. For example, my toddler shows his love for me by drawing abstract crayon art on the kitchen floor, because it’s where I spend most of my time. And because toddlers.

I like to execute elaborate sentimental gestures. The problem is these gestures seem to fly a thousand feet over my husband’s thick head.

A few years ago, I concocted one such plan for Valentine’s Day. I made a double batch of strawberry cupcakes, because strawberry desserts are his favorite. I made chocolate-covered strawberries, too, and I wrote a hand-written love letter that would make Lord Byron himself swoon.

I placed a line of cupcakes leading from my front door to the back room, where I set up my strawberry-flavored shrine of love: a table holding the treats, candles, pictures and—the cherry on top—our song playing softly in the background.

As I stood in the room ready for his arrival, I heard the door open.

“Babe?? Hello? What tha—shoot—what is that?”

He entered the back room and looked around, confused.

“Why are you standing in the dark?”

His shoes were covered in pink icing. He had stepped on the cupcakes, didn’t notice the song playing and looked at me like I was growing horns for standing behind what I guess looked to him like a sacrificial altar.

Over the years, I’ve learned simpler is better. I’m thinking for Father’s Day this year, I’ll order a steak dinner to-go from Texas Roadhouse and call it a day.

——

Carrie Taylor is a native Texan and mother of one.

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