Planning has never been my forte. The fact that I’m able to keep two children alive and fed and mostly dressed is a feat in itself. So, when glittered crafts from Pinterest start flooding my Facebook feed, I only have one thing to say: Santa, please.


Hats off to the moms whose houses look amazing and whose holiday meals are delish. But here are some holiday “traditions”—or just crazy things moms do—that I will decidedly not be participating in this year. Or any year.


  1. Advent calendars. I’m only vaguely aware of what these are. But if I’m correct, they involve giving treats every day through some cutesy countdown until Christmas. I’ll be sticking with Google Calendar to tell me when we have five days until Christmas and it’s time to bite the bullet and just buy the husband something, already.


  1. Artsy Christmas photos. My wallet won’t let me spend a month’s worth of groceries on one photo session just so I can have a stranger take pictures of my kids crying and not cooperating. And who does everyone think they are fooling? We know what your family looks like! We know little Carl only smiles if he’s offered two Hershey kisses and a Gatorade! I love my friends and family and would settle for un-photoshopped pictures any day. (Also, does everyone just happen to live by a picturesque forest or field? I need help finding myself one of those.)


  1. Secret Santas. Can we just be honest and admit we don’t enjoy buying cheap gifts for people we love? Because nothing says “I love you” more than a scented candle, hamburger phone or bath salts. (Or in the case of kids, more Hot Wheels for you to trip over in the middle of the night and curse your very existence.)


Happy Holidays!


Carrie Taylor is a freelance writer, editor and mother of two boys.


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