That really old black-and-white horror film “The Invisible Man” has been on my mind lately. You see, my family and I recently embarked on a quick weekend trip. You know, to “get away from it all” and “relax.” And like most endeavors that involve taking toddlers out of their normal surroundings and routines, it was mostly stressful with a small amount of reprieve coming at night when the kids fell asleep. In all other hours of the day, sounds of whining and, “No, I want MOMMEEEEeeee” filled the air and made my ears bleed.
I’m realizing it would be beneficial for me to learn how to disappear, or at the very least become invisible — and not just on trips, but also at home. Here are some tactics I am going to start employing, and I encourage you to try them out to and see which ones stick. After all, it takes a village, mamas.
- Change your name. And don’t tell anyone what it is, except for the cashier at KFC.
- Stop showering. No one wants to cling to a grease ball who smells like spilled milk. If you’re anything like me, you’ve already reduced your weekly showers to two, but with a trusty dry shampoo and a handful of wet wipes, I believe we can make it work with one.
- Maintain a constant prickle on your legs. My oldest will occasionally complain my legs are “stabbing his heart.”
- Husbands have somehow already mastered the art of invisibility. Let’s try masking ourselves in their scent.
- If No. 4 doesn’t work because they can still see you, try wearing your partner’s clothing. The more layers the better.
- Hide. Create a hiding place somewhere dark and cool, and include a stash of your favorite things, like snacks and ear plugs.